Friday, January 14, 2011

Bribing Crash Course - 15 Days (Full time)

In the turbulent times and uncertainty around, the only individuals, organizations and politicians that can manage not just to survive but flourish seem to be those that have gained unwavering support from other parties of social fabric. The proven method of securing this support is through bribing. It has become such a necessity that there is a need to frame a crash course in ‘Bribing’.

The bribing crash course will handle both aspect of it i.e. giving and accepting part. If you are offering a bribe then you should understand whom you are bribing and what amount you should offer. If you are accepting a bribe then it is important for you to know the best practices of accepting it and managing the accounts after it comes to this side of the table.

The topics that would/should be covered in this course are listed below:

1. Identifying the prey
It is very important to know the person, organization or party to whom you are approaching for hand-shake. You should study their past track record. If you are about to offer a bribe and find nothing fishy then there is great possibility that the party will demand you huge amount. This is simply because they have to manage and satisfy a bigger network. On the contrary, if you are accepting a bribe and find clean record from other party then as a thumb rule approach only if you find a strong weak point that you can exploit at later time (when things go wrong).

2. Operations
The complete process of bribing is exactly opposite to that of photosynthesis i.e. you have to operate all the time in dark. Nobody should know what’s happening. Then only you will get necessary oxygen to breathe. If it gets exposed then it is very likely that you will frequently appear on news channels and get covered in daily columns of newspapers.

3. Managing accounts
Irrespective of your role in the bribing process you will have to master at managing accounts. There are skilled CAs and CSs available for this but it is always good to understand things yourself. Those who are really really affluent can get exemption for this topic in crash course exam.

4. Networking
You can manage the operations quickly if you have good network with special category of people. People with double than average score in crime, job transfers and IT return filling are the members of this special category.  

As we are in the finalization of the course content we are not enlisting each and every topic but soon we will release it for you.

The total fee for this course would be 10% of the amount that you have bribed and/or siphoned to black economy in last five financial years. The duration will be 15 days full time. 

1 comment:

Amit Deokule said...

I am the one who needs money desperately...thanks for launching your plan of action over here like this! Where we can meet and how is the startegy? Can we meet somebody from CITI BANK or Satyam OR let me know if your know some sources? We can convene the meeting and proceed. Will motivate this idea and the fact that bribing ka jamaana hai bhai...gadi dheere chalao..koi aayega aur pucchega..kya rate kitna chal raha hai aajkal...beware of Bribing....Amit